As if the grief of losing a loved one wasn’t already enough to deal with, that loss then hands us the requirement to plan and organise a funeral in a short amount of time, often with little understanding of what’s required and where to start. So let me cover the basics of what’s involved in planning and organising a funeral for you here.
Author: Meggan Brummer
If we haven’t met before - I am an award-winning Marriage Celebrant in Sydney, Australia.
I’ve married hundreds of couples over the last 13 years and have over 23 years experience as a professional writer.
How to get started planning a funeral for a loved one
Consult the Will
The first thing to do before you start organizing a funeral is to check whether they left a funeral plan of any kind either within their will or as part of an advanced care directive.
A funeral plan might provide information on the following…
- Did they prearrange their funeral?
- Did they have a preference for a cremation or a burial?
- Did they purchase a graveside?
- Did they want a funeral ceremony or not?
- Did they have any wishes around what kind of ceremony they wanted or where it should be held?
Who makes the funeral arrangements?
Normally, if there is a will, the executor or executors have the legal rights to the body and to organise the funeral, but usually the next of kin is the person who makes the funeral arrangements.
The person who authorises the funeral is liable for the account and will have to pay for the funeral. Usually when someone dies the bank freezes their accounts and the funeral account is the only expense paid from that account until probate is granted.
What if they didn’t write a will?
If the person who died didn’t write a will, the next of kin or a ‘person responsible’ will usually take over. A ‘person responsible’ is not necessarily the deceased’s next of kin. It could be a guardian, the most recent spouse or de facto spouse, an unpaid carer who was providing support to the person, or a relative or friend who has a close relationship with the person.
Decide whether you need or want a Funeral Director
Most people do use one, but in New South Wales, it is legal and possible to do everything yourself. You can complete all the necessary legal paperwork, care for and transport the body, build a coffin, hold the ceremony and deliver the body for disposal if you wish to. But whether you choose to do this or not, may well depend on your emotional and mental state. If you’re overwhelmed then the best option for your mental and emotional wellbeing is to outsource this.
How to Choose a Funeral Director
If you do decide to use a funeral Director I suggest you shop around for one before you need one, if possible. This will make the situation so much easier for you when the time comes.
What to ask when meeting a Funeral Director
You and your family can speak to a funeral Director about what is involved, what they will handle, what input and effort they will need from you and how much they will allow you to do.
Here are a few questions you can ask them…
- Can you come to my home to discuss your services?
- Can I deal with the same person throughout?
- What services do you provide and how much does each one cost?
- Where will the deceased be kept until the day of the funeral?
- Can we organize viewings of the body for anyone who wants one and how much does it cost?
- What choice of coffin do I have? (wood, cardboard, wicker)
- Can I source a coffin from elsewhere?
Clarify anything you don’t understand.
Have them provide you with an itemised quote.
You do not need to sign anything until you understand what you’re signing.
Speak to at least two companies, compare their quotes, quality of the service and the extent to which you like or trust them.
To reduce the cost or just as personal preference, you can select and be charged for only certain parts of the funeral director’s services. So tell them what you want. Remember they are providing a service to you and you are paying them.
What is the role of a funeral director?
A funeral Director is a professional who supervises and prepares the final disposition of the body and oversees funeral preparations.
Some funeral directors are small independent or family businesses, others are much larger corporations. Most of them will come to your home to discuss arrangements. If you’re working with a larger corporation, you can ask to be attended to by the same person rather than be seen by different people.
A funeral director will normally do the following, but you could organise these things yourself without their assistance if you wish to:
- Collect the body from wherever they are
- Complete the paperwork legal paperwork required for burial or cremation
- Draft optional death notices
- Care for the body
- Keep the body in cold storage
- Prepare the body for viewing if required
- Place the body in a coffin or shroud
- Transport the body to and attend the ceremony
- Transport the body to the burial or cremation
If you want them to – a funeral director can also help with the organising the following:
- A hearse or morning car
- Organise the funeral ceremony
- Funeral flowers
- A memorial book
- Order of service booklet
- Photo presentation/slideshow
- Balloons, doves or butterflies
- The wake or sympathy tea
- Contacting Centrelink to find out whether the family is entitled to bereavement allowances (available to families for aged pensioners and carers).
Remember – a Funeral Director should assist, guide and empower you, not override your wishes or control you.
What are the sort of things that you can do yourself?
You can do the following things…
- Transport the body interstate yourself or use a funeral director who organises body transport services.
- Provide your own transport to the ceremony for the body.
- Be a pallbearer or carry the coffin. Women can also take part in this.
- Supply a coffin: supply and use a handbuilt, eco, cardboard or wicker coffin.
- Decorate the coffin: A coffin can be decorated inside and outside in a way that’s appropriate for the person who has died. If you wish you could place gifts or significant items with the body inside the coffin. If you would like to do this you need to follow some guidelines along with pollution and safety guidelines.
- Lower the body into the grave
- Use a natural burial ground or private cemetery. It’s also possible to bury a body on private land. Each local council has a policy which sets out the conditions you need to meet.
- Organise a cremation directly with the crematorium.
Do we have to have to use a Coffin?
For cremation in NSW, you must legally use a coffin. But for burial, with written permission from New South Wales health department, the body may instead be wrapped in a shroud.
Planning the funeral
If you’re able to slow things down when planning the funeral you’ll be able to consider everyone’s needs carefully and create something really special. It’s also valuable to slow it down because this can be an integral part of the grieving process.
How soon after a death should the funeral take place?
Many people think a funeral needs to happen as soon as possible, within a few days of the person dying, but legally there is no set time. There might be personal or legal circumstances that require the funeral to happen later. It could take place one or two weeks or even a month after your loved one has died.
Informing people of the death
If you’re organizing a funeral you’ll need to inform the deceased’s relatives and friends, and their employer of the death and let them know when the funeral is.
Who will conduct the funeral ceremony?
Anybody can conduct a funeral ceremony – a celebrant, a priest, a friend or family member. You could even conduct the ceremony yourself, but normally a professional is employed to conduct the ceremony.
A popular alternative to a priest is a funeral celebrant who will work with you closely to create a personal ceremony. This is an especially good choice if your loved one was not religious. But even if they were religious a celebrant can incorporate religious aspects into the ceremony.
Where can I hold the funeral?
You will need to choose a venue for the funeral ceremony. If the venue is a public space you will need to seek permission from the relevant authority. Funerals can be held in any of the following places…
- a church
- graveside
- in a private home or garden
- in a public park
- at the beach
- in a sporting arena
- in a natural bush
- at a surf club
- in a community hall
- at a sports club
- golf club or
- crematorium chapel
Must the ceremony happen near the grave or cremator?
The ceremony and burial or cremation can happen in the same place or there could be a walk or drive from the ceremony to the grave or cremation site.
Does a funeral have to be public?
A funeral can be an intimate or private family affair or you can open it to the public.
Does the body have to be at the funeral?
A funeral ceremony can be held with or without the body of your loved one present. Normally a funeral takes place soon after the death, but it might not and this might impact your choice.
Can I only have one funeral?
You could have more than one funeral ceremony if you like. You could have a funeral ceremony where the body is present and another later with the body may not be present.
Must the body be embalmed?
No, the body does not have to be embalmed in New South Wales. You can choose to not have the body embalmed. The process preserves a dead body to delay decomposition. Embalming is a toxic and invasive procedure. A funeral Director can help to organise embalming if this is something you’d like.
Do you want to offer a viewing?
Viewing is a time that has been set aside to visit the deceased for those who are mourning. Typically, the coffin will be open and people can pay their final respects. The viewing might happen the night before the funeral ceremony or it could happen 15 minutes before the starting time of the funeral ceremony. Having a viewing can really help with the healing process, but whether or not you choose one may depend on the condition of your loved one’s body.
Organising a Wake
Organising a wake or a sympathy tea includes booking a venue for where you will have the wake and organising catering if you want to supply food and drinks. Of course you won’t need to book a venue if you have it in a private space like your home or garden.
When can I get the ashes after the cremation?
If you have a cremation, you can normally get the ashes 24 hours after. Unlike with the body, there’s no health risk involved with the ashes. You can collect them yourself in any container. If you agree to receive the ashes in the container supplied to you by the crematorium, you can ask them not to heat-seal it. If it has been heat-sealed, it is very difficult to open.
What do I do with the ashes after the funeral?
You are free to do whatever you want with the ashes. You can place them in a container or in a wall. You could scatter them to the wind or plant them under a tree, sprinkle them in a river or ocean. You can divide them between yourself and other people. You can hold onto them as long as you want to.
Final Thoughts
Planning a funeral for a loved one can be an incredibly profound experience. Whether you directly take a little or a lot on in the planning, the funeral that follows will serve as an important time for family and friends to say farewell.